Republicans are just too damn busy to talk to pollsters.

According to Scott Walker, conservatives are too busy being "makers" to talk to pollsters, and are therefore under-represented in all these polls showing Obama has the lead -- except Rasmussen -- which shows him up by a hair. I mean, it totally makes sense, right? The Republican half of this country is working their fingers to the bone all day to carry the layabout Democratic half while it sits around the house all day, watching cat videos on the internet (which they pirate from their GOP neighbors) and smoking pot. Plus, they hate the "lamestream" media (also pot-smoking hippies) and avoid talking to them at all costs. As a result, conservatives have been under-represented in every poll since the dawn of time. True fact. Look it up.

"Because it makes a better headline than '5 dipshits change their minds', that's why."

Here, read the first few paragraphs, quick:

Mitt Romney's '47%' comment alienated undecided voters - latimes.com:

Seriously. You have to be be fucking kidding me.

And the the LA Times calls themselves a news organization. I mean -- what the fuck -- 9 people? That's all they could find? In ALL of LA? It's like they walked down to the bathroom and reported on the 9 guys they saw in the hall on the way there. If you're going to try to tell me the LA Times didn't have the resources to find more undecided voters than that, then it says one of two things.

1.  There really ARE no undecided voters left. There might be a few people with their heads so far up their asses that not only do they they not realize it's an election year, but they're not even sure what an election IS, or...

2. The LA Times is about to file for bankruptcy, because they've clearly replaced their reporters with their janitorial staff.

But wait, it gets better -- these are voters from ACROSS THE NATION. Yes, a Subway manager from Indiana, a dog-groomer (from who knows where), and a teacher from Michigan. This quote from "software company employee Tim, though, summed it up:

“It made me think of how the world looked at George W. Bush as a buckaroo — shoot first and ask questions later,” Tim said. “My gosh. Comments like that don’t help and they reveal the character of a person.”

My gosh. A buckaroo?

Jesus Fucking Christ.

If I was the LA Times, I would throw myself out of a window.

Get Your War On hits the Bullseye.

Don't know if you follow Get Your War On, but if you don't, you should be. Accounts Payable has exactly the reaction I was imagining most Romney supporters had to this video -- "OK, he's right, but you don't say it out loud!"

Maybe I should change the name of this blog....

.... to 'Dick-Riding 538.com." I mean, I know the initial nature of the bet was to track the polls after Romney's "47%" flub, but I keep finding more to love there that just poll numbers.

Case in point, more... eh.... poll numbers. But sort of different.


The Statistical State of the Presidential Race - NYTimes.com:


This time, Nate is analyzing the old politician's bromide about how meaningless polls are (you know "you can't trust the polls," etc). Turns out maybe you can. Nate went all the way back to 1936, made some adjustment for the thinness of the data and found out that the polls are actually right (as in, the candidate they predicted would win actually won) a startling 80% of the time. The two notable exceptions being Dewey/Truman in 1948, and Bush/Gore in 2000.

So, you know, Obama's got THAT going for him, at least.

The Daily Beast: Barack Obama Is The Luckiest Politician Alive

I must say, this didn't actually occur to me until I read this article in the Daily Beast, but once they point it out I have to say that, yes, Obama is damn lucky. Let's review:

1. The 2004 Illinois Senate Race -- Prior to his star turn at the DNC, mind you, Obama FIRST faces Jack Ryan (not actually mentioned in the article) whose candidacy self-destructs in an orgiastic, smut-filled explosion when it's revealed he tried to get ex-wife 7 of 9 to bang him onstage in sex clubs (yes, clubs, plural). Ryan is shooed off the stage and replaced -- not by the second place primary finisher, but by Alan "Mr. Mosh Pit" Keyes, whose head-trauma-level craziness inspired Richard Pryor to say "now THAT guy's crazy."

2. The 2008 Presidential Race -- He squares off against Hilary Clinton in The Longest Primary Ever, where he opens the show by beating her like a drum in Iowa. He didn't walk away with this one the way he did in Illinois, but it still seemed like a stunning upset. In comparison, the actual election almost seemed like a non-event (enlivened at the end by Conservative America's sweetheart, Caribou Barbie). But through it all, he never lost his cool, recovered from stumbles like a seasoned pro (God 'n' Guns, Jeremiah Wright).

3. An now this, facing off against, as Latimer puts it, "the guy who lost to the loser last time."

"Maybe the “birthers” have a point after all," Latimer concludes. "Obama obviously wasn’t born in America; he was born on Fantasy Island, under a rainbow, in a pot of gold, serenaded by unicorns."

No Fucking Way.

So, hot on the heels of his "I'd have a better chance if I was Latino" non-joke joke ("ha ha, just kidding! But seriously, I wish I was a Latino."), Mitt actually tries to make himself a Latino

Jon Stewart 'splains it for you.

Jon Stewart sums it all up for you. It starts here, continues here, and comes to a big finish over here.